I was warned prior to coming to Canberra that it can be a lonely place. I suspect that relocating state holds this same fear regardless of where the move is from or to. Don’t get me wrong, I have made friends since I have been here, however the losing of history is one of the biggest difficulties I have found. Loss of history can be both a blessing and a curse; a blessing because everyone has things that they would rather not dwell on and would be happy to forget (alas often forgiveness is easier). Conversely, these same negative experiences and occurrences are fundamental to shaping the person we are at any point in time subsequent to the event/experience. So in seeking to leave these behind (even if the ultimate goal was moving towards something in the future rather than running from something in the past) the tendency becomes to dwell on those events…. What to share with new people? What to avoid?
It can be hard work meeting new people, guarding your tongue until hidden prejudices, opinions and fears are revealed, for fear of unknowing sabotage of potential human contact at a personal level. Not hiding who you are, but guarding against unintentional hurt and potential loneliness. The difficulty stems from having been with (in the home state) those who need no explanation for seemingly tangential or erroneous comments or perspectives, from having people who know and love you well enough to laugh both at, near and with you. I miss knowing people well enough to hug them. I miss hugs!
These feelings are not a constant, there can be joy in finding another human with whom connection is made on a mental level (usually I find through humour) and the adventure of newness can be exciting and fun! But every so often these feelings hit and for one prone to over analysis, are periodically difficult to shake.
So having done a brain dump on the greater world I will shake my melancholy and find a new adventure.
Labels: musings |
Having moved many times myself I understand exactly this experience you are having.
It is difficult and a long process in learning who to trust and who to reveal your 'true' self to.
Being the open person you are I am sure it will not be too much longer.
Your new 'state' can be seen ( by outsiders) as a little more difficult than other states. Because it is so young, and can be quite isolating by its very design this can make you feel that there is a "track" between where you work and where you live.
At least you have your children through whom you will meet and contact others beside workmates.
Thinking of you, Blue.